guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my liver is dry heaving
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
