I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
