I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
