oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
