the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
