Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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