Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
