what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
