currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
