Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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