I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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