Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
