...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
