I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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