New invention idea: vibrating tampons
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
