I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
