i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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