Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
