Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
