Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
