I am puke
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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