absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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