Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
