Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
