Its about making memories worth repressing
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
