i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Two words: blizzard sex
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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