I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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