just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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