Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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