so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
