why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
