Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
