Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
