i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
