i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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