Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
