4 words: hood of his car
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
