When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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