WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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