honey bunches of taint.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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