I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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