# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
