3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
