Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
