So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
