I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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