btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
