Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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