I puked a lego.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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