My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize