if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
