YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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