he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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