if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
