nut hugger
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
