But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
