So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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