Sry I called you an 8
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize