Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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