Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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