Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
