Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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