Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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