It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
