Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
