The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
