did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
