she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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