I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
