I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
