Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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