Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
