His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
