Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
