thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
