he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
