He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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