Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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