I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
